“Hey”

“Oh hey buddy, how’s it going?”

“Incredibly well.”

“Oh, how so?”

“Well, actually, I’m pretty okay, it’s an ordinary day. What do you mean ‘it’ anyway? How’s what going?”

“Um, I— ”

“How can you be sure it’s even going to begin with? Isn’t that quite presumptuous? Surely you should say, carefully, is it going, and then proceed to establish the manner in which it is doing so? And even then, is anybody really interested? So soon into the conversation? After a mere hello, do you actually want me to tell you how awful or ordinary or magnificent I’m finding everything?

“I— ”

“Such pleasantries are nothing but padding to cushion the awkard process of thinking of something to say. Laziness. What if we all had the presence of mind to prepare a factoid, or a little dance, or a song to fill that gap? Wouldn’t that be less crushingly uninteresting?”

A pause. “But… are you okay though?”

“Yeah”

A pause. “I hate you.”