I ate an entire packet of frankfurter sausages tonight. I know what you’re thinking. How many is that! Well, it’s six. Six frankfurter sausages. But I only meant to have three.

They were Knacks actually. The sort we used to get at Flunch. I bought them at the supermarché on my way home from the rain. There was no queue. I guess no one else needed sausages today.

I ate one when I got home. As a snack. And then I put the oven on, and put in some chips, which I also got from the supermarket. But, plot twist, I actually didn’t put it on, I forgot, and I just left the chips in the cold oven gently defrosting. And then I noticed and turned it on. You’d have laughed at me. You wouldn’t have forgotten to turn the oven on.

And when the chips were nearly done I fried two eggs in the same pan, and then I put the Knacks in and I tossed them in the oil, till they were good and hot and a little bit crispy. And then I put some emmental on the chips and a bit of salt and pepper and ate the lot.

This was a couple of hours ago and just now I got peckish. And I went to grab another sausage, but it was the last one. Yes I know what you’re thinking, weren’t there six? And you’re right. I don’t remember eating the other one. To be honest I’m sort of hoping you ate it. And that you’re still here, somewhere, maybe hiding in one of my cupboards, chomping on low-quality processed meat.